Why Does My Child Dissociate?

When a child is living with significant trauma, it can be hard to process and manage, so they may develop an unconscious tendency to dissociate as a way of coping. 

Dissociative experiences can range from mild to severe, from zoning out or feeling detached from the body to extreme dissociative amnesia and dissociative identity disorder.

But what is dissociation, why do some children dissociate, and what can you do, as a foster parent, to help?

In this article, you'll learn:

What is dissociation?
Signs of dissociation
Why does my child dissociate?
Useful tips for foster parents

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is a natural and common experience in everyday life. For example, you might find yourself zoning out during a monotonous task, daydreaming, or losing track of time when you're tired or bored. These instances are mild forms of dissociation and can serve useful purposes, such as helping us rest or conserve energy.

However, dissociation can also be the brain's automatic response to danger when neither fight nor flight is possible. It involves disconnecting from particular thoughts, emotions, or sensations, allowing the person to endure situations they would otherwise be unable to cope with.

When an individual dissociates, the part of the brain that controls survival responses takes over. It's not a conscious choice - it's more like a reflex.

An automatic response to protect us from harm

Our brains are designed to protect us from harm, and over time, they learn which behaviours successfully shield us from situations that may be difficult to cope with.

For instance, the brain of a child who faces repeated abuse may learn to "check out" during overwhelming situations. This dissociation becomes a survival strategy, allowing them to disconnect from their thoughts, memories, or feelings when they have no other means of emotional escape.

It can lead to a separation between the mind and body, enabling the child’s brain to compartmentalise overwhelming experiences and the associated memories.

Signs of dissociation in a child

While experiencing some level of dissociation is quite common, without support, dissociation that occurs because of trauma can impact the development and well-being of children, now and in the future.  

Dissociation can cause dissociative behaviours that adults can often misunderstand. Therefore, it’s vital to recognise the signs of dissociation so they can receive the support they need.

Signs of dissociation in a child or young person may include: 

Excessive daydreaming  
Persistent lying  
Trouble concentrating  
Shy or unusually calm 
Appear numb to pain 
Unable to do tasks or follow instructions  
Appearing slow or unsure of themselves  
Displaying a glazed look in their eyes  
Extreme mood changes without an obvious trigger  
Showing signs that their brain and body aren’t connected - ‘My hands did it, it wasn’t me.’  
Being emotionally cut-off

Feeling numb or empty inside  
Extreme behaviour changes  
Extreme appearance changes  
Sudden changes in their writing or expressions  
Regressed behaviour  
Memory loss - both of events and certain skills  
Denial  
Fluttering eyes as they switch modes  
Self-harming  
Feeling confused or disorientated  
Speaking or listening to internal voices

A child who dissociates may...

Appear quiet, shy or unusually calm and may seem unbothered by things
Not feel pain when they cut their finger or remain unfazed if their Mum doesn’t show up for contact
Tell you they’re not bothered by the weather, even when it’s clearly freezing outside
Be unable to concentrate or simply ignore you

It can also be a child that reacts with a lot of anger to particular triggers but later can’t remember a thing.

Dissociation can affect memories

Another way dissociating can impact children and young people is in their memories. Because dissociation can cause memories to fragment, it can cause flashbacks.

The child might not understand what triggers these flashbacks, which can make them feel confused, scared, and unsettled. 

Dissociation or something else?

Symptoms of dissociation can overlap with those of other conditions, and each child will present symptoms at varying degrees.

So, it's vital to observe behaviours with curiosity so you can seek the appropriate professional support for the child in your care. 

Why does my child dissociate?

Many of the young people in our care have sadly faced difficult experiences in their past, including physical, sexual or emotional abuse and neglect. This can have a long-lasting and significant effect on their brain development and leave them with trauma.

When a child has experienced significant trauma, it can be too overwhelming for them to process and manage. In these situations, dissociation can emerge as an unconscious coping mechanism. While this response may initially help the child survive distressing events, dissociation becomes concerning when it occurs frequently or intensely.

For example, a child who feels detached from their body, struggles with large memory gaps, or seems emotionally disconnected might be showing signs of more severe, trauma-driven dissociation. This type of dissociation can hinder a child’s ability to form relationships, engage with their surroundings, or process emotions effectively.

Children need time and support to feel safe in their environment and try new coping strategies.

How can foster parents support young people who dissociate?

As a foster parent, it’s important to understand that dissociation is a survival mechanism, not a behaviour a child chooses. It can feel frustrating or distressing to see a child "switch off," but with the right support, they can learn healthier coping strategies over time.

The fact is, many children are not even aware that they dissociate, and they might find it hard to explain how they're feeling or what is happening to them.

While it can be a scary thing to experience, dissociation can help a child cope with overwhelming events, and it happens because they haven’t been able to process their experiences fully.  

You might notice it occurs when they encounter a situation or object that reminds their nervous system - consciously or unconsciously - of the distressing experience. At other times, there might not be any obvious triggers, making it particularly challenging to know how to respond.

With dissociation, your main goal as a foster parent is to help ground your child back to reality and help them feel safe. 

Here are some things you can do if you notice symptoms in your child: 

Use eye contact and a calm, gentle voice to let them know they are safe with you now. 
Always use their name and remind them where they are and that you’re with them.  
If you’re in a public place, try to divert the young person away from the triggering environment and distract them by asking them to tell the time, eat something that will ignite their tastebuds like a fizzy sweet, or touch a soft toy.
Ask them simple, grounding questions to help bring them back to the ‘here and now.’ For example, what can you see, smell, hear?
Take them outside and walk barefoot on the grass.  
Involve their senses - put on music, give them something to eat, get them to stroke a pet or soft toy, and use a gentle touch.  
Show empathy for their dissociative behaviour – they are simply using strategies they learnt to survive.   
When they dissociate, let them know what they said or did in a non-shaming way, so they are aware. Best to do this in a quiet, comfortable place, like at home. 
If you notice any triggers, try to prevent them and explain them to your child to help them understand.   
Essentially, always remember to foster therapeutically – be empathetic, listen and look beyond their behaviour to understand what triggers their dissociative state.  
Reach out to the professional network that supports you.

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Foster a child with ISP and make a lasting and positive difference

At ISP, we are pioneers of therapeutic foster care - a specialist type of fostering designed to provide an enhanced level of support to children who are living with trauma.

We have the specialists, experience, resources, training, and support to help you and the child in your care. This includes specialist therapy for children in care to support them and help them heal from their past. 

We provide specialised training to help foster parents understand dissociation and its impact. This includes recognising the signs, supporting children to feel safe, and helping them gradually build new, more adaptive coping mechanisms.

Thousands of children are in desperate need of a safe, loving and stable home where they can begin their recovery journey and thrive. So, if you’ve got the time, patience and compassion to give vulnerable children this chance, we’d love to hear from you.

Please get in touch today, and our friendly team will give you a call back to answer all your questions and help you decide if fostering is right for you.