If you try to rush it, just imagine instead of a staircase there’s a big hole, and each time the child is taken ‘upstairs’, they fall back down and crash back into survival mode where fight, flight and fawn survival responses take control.
That’s why the effects of trauma on behaviour can be so prevalent when young people join a new foster family. They’re suddenly thrust into a new environment which can feel jarring and alien to them. The unknown feels unsafe to them, leading them to stay downstairs in survival mode.
This is one reason why being patient and slowly establishing trust is crucial in helping to bridge the gap and help our young people regain control over their lives.