Strategies to Beat Compassion Fatigue as a Foster Parent

Prioritise self-care

One of the most essential qualities for foster parents is selflessness. When caring for another person, it can be easy to side-line your own physical and emotional wellbeing. You may feel at times that your well is empty, and you have nothing left to draw on. Self-care is an incredible way of keeping your well topped up so that you can be at your best for the people you care about, as well as yourself.

At its most basic level, self-care is about taking care of your essential needs: these include getting exercise, eating well, and getting good quality sleep.

Beyond those basics, self-care looks different for everyone, and it doesn’t have to be as fancy as splurging on a spa day or a massage. There are plenty of low-key but fulfilling self-care activities which require little or no money, only requiring that you set aside time for yourself.

• Some self-care ideas include:
• Going to a gym class or for a walk, swim or run
• Reading a chapter of your favourite book
• Taking a luxurious bath by candlelight
• Giving yourself an at-home spa treatment
• Batch cooking your favourite meal for the week ahead
• Doing something you enjoy, like writing or gardening

Self-care also includes setting boundaries around how you spend your time. While socialising is good for our overall health, learning to say ‘no’ to invitations which you feel obligated rather than excited to attend can be hugely freeing, helping you to make more time for rest and recuperation. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; you need to take care of your needs in order to care for others.

Utilise survival care

While self-care is a practice which can make a huge difference to all of our lives, sometimes it is a luxury which feels out of reach when you are a dedicated foster parent. The needs of the child you’re caring for will always be your priority, and there may be days where you struggle to find even 5 minutes to yourself. On days like these, survival care can be a lifeline.

Survival care is a more immediate approach to caring for our needs and can be practiced in the moment to help relieve feelings of stress, anxiety or overwhelm. It can be as simple as calling a trusted loved one or taking a couple of extra minutes to yourself while performing essential tasks, such as putting out the bins or taking a shower, just to be alone with your thoughts.

You can add pops of fun and colour into an otherwise busy day by putting on your favourite album and dancing around the kitchen while you cook, or singing along to the radio with the kids while driving them to school. Though survival care activities may seem small, they can be a real lifeline when time for self-care feels out of reach.

Lean on your support network

If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to rely on the support of your community. This includes your loved ones, such as your partner, family and friends, and your fostering agency too.

When you foster with ISP, you’ll benefit from our wrap-around support network, which includes a dedicated supervising social worker, in-house therapists, and fostering advisors - many of whom are experienced foster parents themselves and truly understand the challenges you face.

You’ll also have the opportunity to get to know your local fostering community through our regular events, such as our foster parent support groups.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is about being present and paying close attention to your thoughts, feelings and senses.

By focusing your attention on the present moment, you can reduce feelings of stress and manage challenging thoughts and emotions, which can help to combat compassion fatigue. It’s also a great way to nurture your mental health when you’re feeling more positive.

Some mindful activities include:

• Meditation
• Adult colouring books
• Keeping a gratitude journal
• Breathing exercises, such as belly breathing
• Going for a walk without any distractions
• Mindful eating, by paying close attention to the taste and texture of your food
• Mindful hugging; this could be hugging a loved one for a little longer than usual while paying attention to each other’s breathing
• Body scanning, which is where you pay attention to all of your bodily sensations, beginning at your head and working down to your feet
• Exercise which draw attention to your breath, such as Yoga and Tai Chi

Incorporating mindfulness into your everyday life can be as simple as taking a moment to pay close attention to what’s happening right now in the world around you. Finding little moments of mindfulness throughout the day, such as by taking the time to truly enjoy your morning cup of tea or doing a body scan before you go to bed, can be great ways of incorporating mindfulness around a busy schedule.

Guided meditations are another great way to get started and are widely available on platforms such as YouTube. Learn more about how to get started with mindfulness.

Remind yourself of the incredible difference you’re making as a foster parent

Be gentle with yourself. As a foster parent you’re doing challenging, incredible work, and it’s understandable that you might experience compassion fatigue.

Reflect on your amazing qualities which make you a great foster parent: these might be your empathy, dedication or resilience. Remind yourself of your core values and what drew you to fostering. Take the time to remind yourself of the life-changing work you do day to day, and how that work enables the child in your care to live the best life possible.

By recognising and celebrating the meaningful impact of your work, you’ll strengthen your feelings of compassion satisfaction. Compassion satisfaction is the pleasure that comes from helping others and is a protective factor against compassion fatigue.

When caring for young people living with trauma, you may find that it’s a slow road to progress. It’s important to learn to celebrate the small wins. Reflect on how far you’ve come with the young person in your care and acknowledge the little achievements. Over time, these add up to make a huge positive change. Remember that every step of the journey, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter future for the young person in your care.