Dispelling fostering myths: Meet same-sex couple Andy & Mike
Foster parents Andy and Mike share their fostering story; dispelling myths, nurturing sibling bonds and how transferring to ISP made all the difference.
After feeling like their retail jobs had left them ‘in a cycle of nothingness’, Andy and Mike decided to make a change and began fostering in their early thirties.
Since then, they’ve transferred to ISP in the Midlands and now foster two teenagers long-term. Fostering has helped the couple build both a family and a career, and now they’re encouraging more young couples without children of their own to consider fostering.
How their fostering journey began
Just like the children they care for, every foster parent has a unique background. But what they all share is a desire to make a difference, to help others, and to change the course of children’s lives. For Andy and Mike, fostering has given their lives purpose and direction.
Mike said, “I started thinking about fostering when I was at school. I had a friend who was fostered and then adopted, so I was always aware of it. Since then, it was always in the back of my mind, I just knew I wanted to foster myself one day.”
“After meeting Andy, we spoke about fostering, and how I’d really like to provide a home for children and young people. We spent the next few years building our life and getting it to a point where we felt like we could offer that.”
Andy said, “For me, I felt like something was missing. I’d go to work and deal with all these things, but I kept thinking, ‘What difference am I making here? What am I doing?’ We were just stuck in this cycle of nothingness – that’s how it felt. But when we started fostering and welcomed our first child, everything changed.”
Nurturing the bond between foster siblings
Andy and Mike foster a teenage girl who has been granted permanency, meaning she’ll stay with them until she’s 18, and they’re currently awaiting the same decision for the teenage boy in their care. The teenagers come from different families and backgrounds, but this hasn’t stopped them building a beautiful sibling bond.
Andy said, “Before coming to us, our foster daughter had seven homes in 12 months. She’s now been with us for five years and was even a bridesmaid at our wedding.”
Mike added, “We were told our foster daughter finds it difficult to live in multi-sibling households, so when our foster son moved in, we helped her learn those skills. We’d rather help our foster children learn and overcome than accept the limitations others might think they have.”
“Now, the dynamic between the two of them is brilliant. They’re just like siblings – they’ll argue, call each other names, and then, the next minute, they’re holding hands around the shopping centre.”
Andy said, “Helping the two of them bond has been a real achievement. Our foster daughter will always fight our foster son’s corner, and our foster son has really found his voice and his confidence – it’s incredible to see.”
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If you’re interested in fostering, then download our information pack to discover everything you need to know about becoming a foster parent with ISP.
Dispelling myths about fostering
The couple is significantly younger than the average UK foster parent age of 54. They want to dispel myths about fostering and are using their experiences to encourage younger people to enquire.
Why fostering without your own children can be a good thing
You don’t have to have raised your own children to foster, and Andy and Mike believe that sometimes this can actually be a good thing.
Andy said, “When you don’t have your own children, you start from a clean slate. We believe you’re able to parent in a different way to those who already have their own children.”
“We didn’t have any parenting habits or preconceived ideas about what raising foster children would be like. Some parents can find it challenging because foster children have had very different early experiences to their own children, and they have to learn to navigate trauma and complex emotions.”
Financial support for foster parents
Financial concerns can sometimes prevent younger people from seriously considering fostering, but this hasn’t been the case for Andy and Mike.
Andy said, “For us, fostering is a way of life, and we see these children as our own, but it’s important that other people know that you are financially supported when you foster.”
“We do a lot of training, learning, and admin while caring for the children around the clock. If you think you couldn’t afford to foster, you should still look into it because that’s probably not the case.”
Working and fostering
Balancing work alongside fostering is possible, and for part of Andy and Mike’s journey, this is what they did.
Andy said, “You can also still go to work and foster at the same time. Up until 2023, I was working full-time while Mike provided the full-time care, but after 20-odd years, I was made redundant and decided I didn’t want to go back to the corporate world. It’s a very personal decision and depends on the needs of the children in your care.”
Building a beautiful family and career
Fostering has helped Andy and Mike build the family they always dreamed of alongside a meaningful career. They’ve found a way that works for them to balance their responsibilities while still making time for each other.
Mike said, “We both foster full-time now, but we try to keep things separate. We see the admin side of things, like the training and daily logs, as work, but the rest of the time, they’re just our children.”
Andy said, “We find pockets of time to spend with each other. When they’re at school, we take the dog for a walk, and in the evenings we watch telly together.”
“I think it’s really important to do those things – if you’re not refreshed, you can’t look after the children effectively. We’re very lucky because we share so many interests and love all the same things.”
“Sometimes it’s really hard to balance everything, but you don’t give up on your own children. They’re part of our family and our life now, they bring so much joy and energy to our lives.”
How transferring to ISP has made all the difference
Andy and Mike have been fostering for nine years and emphasised how transferring to ISP in 2022 has improved their fostering journey.
Mike said, “ISP are very supportive. We’ve built up a really trusting network of people, for us and the children. They’re always on the other end of the phone if we need them.”
“It’s really important to have a relationship with your supervising social worker where you feel you can share anything honestly – whether it’s about something negative, a safeguarding concern, or something else. Having that level of trust with your supervising social worker is so important.”
“When we transferred, we also enrolled in ISP’s trauma-based training programme, which is very intense and in-depth. Having that knowledge has really helped us. You can see the changes in each child as they go through the different stages of being in your care, and when things get tough, having that understanding of their trauma helps you cope.”
Start your therapeutic fostering journey today
Whether you’re new to fostering or, like Andy and Mike, have experience and want to transfer to a fostering agency that specialises in therapeutic foster care, please get in touch.
The lower age limit to foster is 21, and you don’t need any prior experience because when you join ISP, you’ll be enrolled in our City and Guilds assured training programme.
You’ll also receive 24/7 holistic support and have access to fostering specialists, including therapists, advisory teachers, social workers, and more – all here to help you fully support the children you foster on their healing journey.
