We sat down with one of our incredible foster mums, Jane, to hear first-hand what it’s like to navigate the ups and downs of fostering.
From changing careers to raising her own children alongside fostering, Jane shares how her family has embraced fostering and found strength when facing the challenge of allegations.
A family’s dream of fostering
Jane and her husband Richard had long shared a dream of becoming foster parents before joining ISP in 2019. Jane said:
‘My husband and I had spoken for years about becoming foster parents. He was the first to suggest it and was super eager to get started; he even enquired with a fostering agency just after our daughter was born, but we were advised to wait until she was older. In the meantime, we had our little boy, and I carried on working at a hair salon. The longer time went on, the more unfulfilled I felt in my role at the salon. I was ready for something new to challenge me, so we got talking about fostering again, and not long after, we were starting our journey with ISP.’
Fostering when you have your own children
‘Richard and I couldn’t wait to get started, though we did worry a little about how our own children would cope with such a big adjustment, especially as they were both very shy at the time. We found to our delight that growing up with foster siblings helped them to flourish – they became more confident and have learned compassion for others, as well as benefitting from me being at home with them instead of working all day at the salon. They have also loved being able to take part in the fantastic days out which ISP put on for families, and we’ve made so many fantastic memories together thanks to introducing fostering as a part of our family life.’
Download information pack
If you’re interested in fostering, then download our information pack to discover everything you need to know about becoming a foster parent with ISP.
Building relationships that last
Jane and Richard have made a difference to so many young people’s lives since they began fostering. Jane said:
‘Since we began fostering in 2019, we’ve had 12 children come to live with us under various arrangements and have experienced the different types of fostering like respite and long-term fostering. As for our current family situation, the lad we’re looking after now has been with us for 4 years. He is very much a part of our family. He sees my mum as his Nanny and my grandmother as his Nana, which is such a special bond, especially as he isn’t in contact with his birth family. We can’t imagine our family life without him in it.’
‘Another of the most rewarding things about fostering is that you get the opportunity to build lasting relationships with the kids you care for, even when they get older and move on. You feel so proud when they reach out and you get to see how well they’ve been doing.’
How to deal with allegations as a foster parent
Fostering has had immense challenges as well as incredibly rewarding moments for Jane’s family. Jane was kind enough to share with us her family’s experience of dealing with allegations while fostering. She said:
‘One of the biggest challenges that we’ve had to deal with as foster parents is facing allegations of misconduct. An allegation in foster care means that a child has accused someone in their foster home of harming them in some way. We found it very hard to deal with in the beginning, as you can imagine – it’s a very stressful thing to go through, and it’s hard not to take accusations personally if you don’t have a full understanding of why it has happened.’
‘Thankfully, we’ve been lucky enough to have the support of everyone at ISP, who have been fantastic. They’ve also provided us with lots of in-depth training to help us understand why a child might make a false allegation. Often it goes back to the trauma they’ve endured before coming to live with their foster family, and the lack of control they feel over their own lives. It’s important to understand that an allegation against you isn’t a personal attack, even if it can feel that way in the moment.’
‘Understanding where our foster child was coming from and navigating the safeguarding process was tricky when we dealt with allegations, but I feel like going through the process together only made our bond stronger. It proved to our foster son that we would never abandon him, even when we face challenges as a family, which is a big fear for a lot of children with experience of being in care.’
Advice for foster parents dealing with allegations
‘If another foster parent came to me asking for advice while dealing with an allegation made against them by a child, I would tell them to trust the process and hold things together as you ride it out. You can trust that everything will be dealt with in a thorough, professional manner, with structures in place to safeguard both you and the children.’
‘It can be a horrific and a horrible time, but the support will be there to surround you, especially if you’re with ISP. Everyone on staff is so easy to talk to and have always made us feel so welcome. I love every member of staff I’ve met, and there is always someone I can talk to, whether it’s about something as serious as an allegation or just a friendly natter over a cup of tea.’
How fostering can change your life
Jane and Richard are a resilient, inspiring couple, who dreamt of changing lives through fostering. Now they’re living that dream day in and day out, putting in the hard work it takes to navigate the ups and downs of life as foster parents while always giving their best to the children in their care. When asked to summarise her fostering experience so far, Jane said,
‘Becoming foster parents has been the best decision we have ever made. It hasn’t been an easy road, but that’s far from what we were looking for even from the beginning— we knew there would be challenges when we chose this path for our family. Every day is different when you foster, and working to overcome difficulties for the sake of the children we’ve cared for is all part of the journey, and it has been so rewarding. If anyone out there is up for the challenge of fostering and all its rewards, you should enquire with ISP, knowing that you’ll be in safe hands.’
Begin your fostering journey with ISP today
ISP is the longest established independent fostering agency in the UK, and we are the founders of therapeutic foster care. When you foster with us, you will benefit from expert support and guidance, as well as a huge range of optional training opportunities to help you boost your skills. If you’re interested in seeing what ISP has to offer, contact our team today.
